"Few people think more than two or three times a year; I have made an international reputation for myself by thinking once or twice a week."

"My method is to take the utmost trouble to find the right thing to say, and then to say it with the utmost levity."

"There is only one religion, though there are a hundred versions of it."

"A man ought to be able to be fond of his wife without making a fool of himself about her."

"Hell is full of musical amateurs: music is the brandy of the damned."

"Common sense is instinct. Enough of it is genius."

"It is the ordinary woman who knows something about love; the gorgeous ones are too busy being gorgeous."

"The best Web sites are better than reality."

"The Baptists' basic theology is that if you hold someone under water long enough, he'll come around to your way of thinking. It's a ritual known as 'Bobbing for Baptists.'"

"He who is carried on another's back does not appreciate how far off the town is."

"You are the most beautiful girl that has ever lived, and it is worth dying to have kissed you."

"I think we're having fun. I think our customers really like our products. And we're always trying to do better."