"The only way to entertain some folks is to listen to them."

"There is plenty of peace in any home where the family doesn't make the mistake of trying to get together."

"Don't knock the weather. If it didn't change once in a while, nine out of ten people couldn't start a conversation."

"A good listener is usually thinking about something else."

"Honesty pays, but it doesn't seem to pay enough to suit some people."

"Don't knock the weather; nine-tenths of the people couldn't start a conversation if it didn't change once in a while."

"EPAULET, n. An ornamented badge, serving to distinguish a military officer from the enemy -- that is to say, from the officer of lower rank to whom his death would give promotion."

"Nobody will ever win the Battle of the Sexes. There's just too much fraternizing with the enemy."

"Apothegms are portable wisdom, the quintessential extracts of thought and feelings."

"To punish the oppressors of humanity is clemency; to forgive them is cruelty."

"Die, but do not retreat."

"I will charge thee nothing but the promise that thee will help the next man thee finds in trouble."